Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn: A Deep Dive into the Lesser-Known Stress Response

When discussing stress responses, we often hear about "fight or flight" and "freeze." These well-known reactions describe our immediate, instinctual responses to perceived danger. However, there is another crucial response that doesn’t get as much attention: the "fawn" response. This lesser-known reaction is particularly important to understand as it can significantly impact personal well-being and relationships.

Why the Fawn Response Matters

Understanding the fawn response is essential because it sheds light on a less recognized way people/children manage stress and navigate their environments. Recognizing this response can help identify patterns of behavior that are detrimental to personal well-being and can inform more supportive strategies for managing stress.

Understanding the Fawn Response

The "fawn" response is a nervous system response where individuals attempt to placate or please others to avoid conflict or danger. Unlike fight, flight, or freeze, which are more about self-preservation or avoidance, fawning involves adapting one's behavior to gain acceptance or prevent negative outcomes - sometimes, even at the cost of their own values and boundaries. The “fawn” response has also been called the “please and appease” response as responders are often people pleasing and looking to consciously align with others’ needs and wants. These “fawners” find safety in lessening the threat by aligning themselves with another person to either avoid that person’s upset or to gain their approval. , despite their own preferences. Long term use of this response as a coping strategy leads to chronic people pleasing and codependency. Their consistent efforts to prioritize others (and ignoring their own internal signals and boundaries) can lead to “fawners” feeling drained, resentful, or putting themselves in unsafe situations and relationships. 

The Fawn Response Can Look Like: 

• Over-Accommodation: Children may go out of their way to please teachers or classmates, often at the expense of their own comfort or needs. They might be overly agreeable or reluctant to voice their own opinions or needs.
• Avoidance of Conflict: They may avoid expressing disagreement or discomfort, even when it affects their well-being. They might also be overly compliant, attempting to avoid any form of conflict or criticism.
• Excessive Helpfulness: Such children may engage in excessive helpfulness, volunteering to take on tasks or responsibilities that are beyond their age or capability, often to gain approval or avoid negative attention.
• Emotional Exhaustion: Observe if the child seems emotionally drained or overwhelmed, particularly after interactions where they felt compelled to please or accommodate others.
• Poor Boundary Setting: As stated above, this can look like children agreeing to things they are uncomfortable with or avoiding voicing any dissenting opinions in order to blend in or avoid conflict. The emotional toll of this imbalance can lead to heightened anxiety and stress, further entrenching their reliance on the fawn response. Ultimately, the struggle to establish healthy boundaries not only impacts their relationships with family and peers but also undermines their sense of self, leaving them feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. Recognizing this pattern is crucial for personal growth and well-being, as it opens the door to developing healthier interactions and a more authentic self-identity.

The Fawn Response Can Result In: 

• Emotional burnout
• Diminished self-worth
• Lowered self-esteem
• Difficulty with self-identity and self-assertion
• Poor ability to express own needs and wants
• Imbalanced, or even toxic, relationships

Practical Strategies for Managing the Fawn Response in Children

1. Encourage Self-Expression

Support children in expressing their own needs, feelings, and opinions. Validate their emotions and encourage them to speak up about their preferences and boundaries. I often call this “using our voice”. Allow more space for them to make their own choices outside of peers and make them feel safe enough to even disagree or show a different opinion from the majority. 

2. Teach Boundary Setting

Help children learn to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. This involves teaching them that their needs are important and that it’s okay to say "no" when necessary. You can do this by role-playing scenarios like acting in a play or using toys to act out different scenarios. Practice modeling boundaries for yourself and talk through the process out loud for the little ears to process and build from. 

3. Foster Self-Advocacy

Encourage children to advocate for themselves and their needs. Building self-confidence and self-assertion skills can help mitigate the fawn response. Provide opportunities for children to make choices and decisions, and support them in expressing their preferences. Praise their efforts to stand up for themselves and their needs.

The fawn response is a significant but often overlooked aspect of how we manage stress and interact with others. If you’re finding that the fawn response is impacting your child’s well-being or relationships, the team at Bright SpOT is here to help. Our skilled occupational therapists can offer personalized guidance to help your child develop effective coping strategies and build healthier patterns of interaction.

Warm regards,

Caitlin Sanschagrin, OTR

Occupational Therapist, Bright SpOT